Author: Kris Wilder

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Icon of Destiny

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We all need an Icon of Destiny. We need icons. We need those people that have come before, we need those people who espouse truth. we need that person who has risen when life leveled them.

False Icons

The false icons, of course, are the ones that don’t build, that don’t build a positive future. We can find some of that in all of our icons. We don’t want a point to these failed pieces as a warning. But I will say this that it has been my experience that one should not place their trust in functionaries, bureaucrats, elected officials, and intermediaries. The reason is because it is not their nature to be an icon of destiny.

It doesn’t mean that they’re bad people. It means that they’re not that icon of destiny, also know that the statement, “Never be your heroes,” is more than true.

Because people are people. They cannot live up to the constructed idea that you’ve projected upon them. So, it’s not about the person but the attributes.

See the value that they project so choose your three icons. I like three, you might choose four, you might only have one, but perform this little audit on them. Write their name and underneath their name right that positive attitude. That positive narrative, that thing that makes them that special icon for you. Then write the negative.

Teddy Roosevelt

I will give you an example. One of my icons for the longest time has been Teddy Roosevelt the 26th president of the United States. Roosevelt was a martial artist, he did amazing things, and he also was an example of an incredible will to power.

I liked his rough and tumble, no-nonsense approach to life. The mental and physical toughness that he didn’t start life out with. Yet I sadly look at his later years. He acted recklessly regarding his health and to other’s feelings. He’s a real icon, one I can realistically live with and lean into and that’s the drill. Take your great examples of who your icon was and what they embody and recognize their faults as well.

Understand it doesn’t make them a failure. It doesn’t diminish the good, the good of the example of the ascendant behavior the icon of destiny.

Teddy Roosevelt video: Theodore Roosevelt: The Old Lion

Another 3 minutes of goodness on: Uncertainty

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Think Write

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Think Write is a means of ordering yourself. With stress increasing, intelligence gets reduced. Often in stressful situations, choices are made that are not good. Stress can create headaches, increased depression, heartburn, create shallow breathing, blood sugar spikes, and many other things.

Excited State

This excited state of stress is not good for the body. I’m now going to tell you how you can remove stress from your body and more your mind. The mind when it’s in a stressful situation, it leaps from assessment to conclusion in the twinkling of an eye. The tongue is as fast and it can be quick and it can be cutting.

Here is a path to reorganizing to relaxing your mind. To relieve some of the stress that you might be experiencing today. To allow you to become more thoughtful, being the cool head, you get to be the reasonable person, a leader, and not a reactor.

Here’s the method to solve this, and we have the luxury of time, so this works very well. Take the idea that is causing you the stress and to write it out on a piece of paper.

Alleviate Anxiety

I don’t care how long, I don’t care how big, or however you want to go about it, but write it out. Of course, that process alleviates some of the anxiety. But here’s the technique that’s going to change everything at a deep and profound level. Once you’re done go back and cross out all the emotional words all the adjectives, all the adverbs, everything that is designed to intensify.

Sounds Kooky

Then when you’re done go back and read what you’ve written without those emotional words. Do your words still make sense? You are going to want to throw those emotional words back into what you’ve written, it’s only natural. But if you keep them out of the document that you’ve written what have you got? Does it still stand the test? Does it look kind of kooky? Does it seem unreasonable? And if it does, then it isn’t valid. Or at least it requires a retooling

Emotional Creatures

We are emotional creatures we infect each other with emotions. It’s a good thing but like anything else, it can be a bad thing as well. So, let’s go ahead and be the thoughtful person. Let’s be the cool head, let’s be the responsible person, let’s be the leader and understand what we are infecting those around us with. What is that emotion? Is it good, is it reasoned or something less desirable?

Here is an auditing of behavior format to deepen your Think Write process: Auditor Behavior

3 more minutes on the idea of: Self-mastery

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What Happens

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What happens is important, but let’s talk about how you deal with what happens to you. It’s an old saying. It can go back to religions, schools of thought, but ultimately what is being said is you’re not in control. The world’s going to do what it’s going to do. Oh, you think you can be in some control and maybe you can. Maybe you can choose the color of your next car. Maybe you can choose whether your steak is well done or medium-rare.

You Just Don’t Have Control

The point is that there’s a lot of stuff in life that you just don’t have control over. Let’s take a moment and point to the Coronavirus, the topic of the day, the week, the month and who knows how long. There is a myriad of reactions to this.

Now a lot of the people that I follow on social media, have taken a deep dive into their discipline. Some of you are doing some fantastic things. Losing weight, spending time in meditation, all sorts of different things. It’s exciting to see that.

Becoming Resigned

Then there’s also becoming resigned to this, which is disturbing to me. It’s not very comfortable. I don’t like it because what I see is people who have decided that this is a chance to let themselves go. I had to go to the store and the hodgepodge of disarray I saw was extraordinary. One gentleman stunk so bad I couldn’t follow him down the aisle. Basic hygiene had gone by the wayside with him.

The Bohemian that was standing in front of me in line, clearly his clothes hadn’t been washed in some time. Buying a bottle of whiskey and some food. You know that kind of thing. It was amazing how many people were, for lack of a better phrase, letting themselves go. It’s as if a moment of societal disarray was a moment to let their qualities fly to flinders.

If that’s the way you’re going to treat yourself I can’t imagine you of many benefits to anybody else. As I rage against these people that see this virus as an opportunity to slip into disarray, do what they want to do on their terms. Well fine go right ahead.

Clean Clothes And A Purposeful Walk

But as I was walking out of the store a small gentle lady was coming my way up the parking lot, she had her purse on her elbow. She had a list in her hand, her hair was done the clothes were clean and pressed and she walked with purpose.

As she walked past me, I thought to myself, “There’s a person who’s seen some life there’s a person that’s experienced some things.” She has decided that she can’t control what happens to her but she can control how she reacts to it.

A Rant?

A little bit of a rage a little bit of a rant? Quite possibly. But if you’ve chosen to go down that path and I doubt many of my listeners have gone that way. Make the change now, get in the shower, press your clothes, clean them, shave, cut your hair, use your comb. Put on a little Cologne if you like to be positive and set yourself up for success.

Because this thing is going to end and you need to be ready to seize the day when it does.

Familiar with Stoicism?: 60 Stoic Quotes that will Strengthen your Perspective on Life

Uncertainty is what is happening now. Here are 3 more minutes on: Uncertainty

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Loss and Change

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Loss and change can be horrible. It can be traumatic and it can be soul-crushing. Think of the greatest loss you could experience in your world. The permanent painful loss. Now step back from that moment because thus the laws and change I can’t address and I wouldn’t try.

However, a wet finger to the wind says that the majority of our losses, the ones we have on a day-to-day basis are not in this catastrophic category. They sting and make no doubt about it they fall on a spectrum. Some are little things and others are much larger. It’s difficult to take them in, categorize them, to easily put them up on the shelf, even order to sort them.

Smaller Losses

But these smaller losses are change. Their often unexpected and loss and change are a package deal. You can’t have one without the other. They are a set. It’s like when you talk to the salesperson in the store and you say I would just like this and the response is sorry can’t break the set-up. It has to be sold together.

The fruit farmers prune their trees. The goal is to enhance the amount of sunlight that the fruit receives. To create space for the large fruit and a cutaway dead or unproductive wood. To the untrained eye, it doesn’t make much sense. More limbs will it equal more opportunity to grow fruit, that would be a logical assumption.

But in this example, it’s not true. The resulting fruit is small, it doesn’t sell at the market well. And usually, the fruit is distorted because it doesn’t have room to grow.

Pruning Is Healthy

The tree becomes more robust, the fruit larger, it colors better, and it fetches a higher price at the market. Loss can be traumatic. Most loss is just a string. But it’s that opportunity for change. Simply put loss and change go hand-in-glove.

A way to shape loss as an opportunity for change. Not a random laissez-faire approach to the change, to let the chips fall where they may. but just like the farmer and the tree to have thoughtful change towards a goal. Thoughtful action based on loss makes for a greater experience.

Easier Said

That’s easier said than done absolutely. It’s a challenge no question. But one of perspective and framing and to step back from a loss one that stings. To take a look at it as an opportunity for change is well worth the undertaking.

The Formula Is Small

The formula is simple that stinging loss has occurred step back for a moment. Try to shape it in a way that is going to allow you to move forward. To do exactly what the farmer does. Allow that loss to be a change for growth. As one of my old martial arts instructors used to say we need to prune for growth. Well, there is that opportunity.

This is about far more serious forms of loss: How to Cope with Loss and Pain

Common specialness is wonderful. 3-min podcast on the topic: Common Specialness

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Grateful For

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Grateful for can be a pattern. The human brain focuses on problems. Abnormalities, broken patterns, it’s a built-in system, it’s a mechanism that has allowed us to become the most successful species that we can imagine. You could call this the nature side of the brain, the animal, the pre-loaded functions, a pattern. Or you can call it a tool, and this is helpful. But what happens when the tool drives you? What happens is that you succumb to negativity and this negativity is not attractive.

Not Good Enough

Things become not good enough, “This was cold.” “That’s not good policy.” “That was poor service.” “It’s not what I envisioned.” All of these sorts of terms. And it’s not a good look. It’s hard to be around and it’s a downer as the hippies used to say. Being a Pollyanna a person with the irrepressible optimism in seeing the good in everything, well, it’s not very realistic. I have to say that I kind of find it annoying, having a cheerleader in the room just, “Yea guys!” “Hey gals,” “You can do it, come on put your muscle to it.” No thanks. But in the back of your mind, there is a place for that cheerleader to be a resident.

And it sounds odd having just dismissed the entire idea of a cheerleader but balance is the key. We naturally orient towards the negative. It’s with clenched teeth that I say we need a little more cheerleader in our lives.

Orientation and Viewpoint

It’s about orientation and viewpoint. The negative is a difficult thing to be around, the effusive cheerleader it’s pretty annoying. So how do we break this dichotomy? Well, it appears difficult but it’s not. It’s based in gratitude. Yeah, the simple act of gratitude, and there is always something for which to be grateful. If you can’t find something for which to grateful, you’re not looking well.

Here Is What You Can Do

Here’s a little drill. All you need do is take the next few minutes and be grateful for what is around you. You can insert the air conditioning; you can insert the running water. The simplest things. And your perspective, your world will shift. Other changes will happen in the moments and minutes as you practice a simple act of gratitude and acknowledgment.

You become better at it the more you practice. It will become institutionalized in your thought process. It will begin to color your world, and the change you experience will be for the better.

Step Out Of The Dual Choice

To recap don’t be engaged in the negative don’t be engaged in the overtly positive but strike the balance and not a 50% mark but sidestep the dichotomy. Sidestep this loop of either-or, and shift into gratitude to watch the color of your world change.

Practicing gratitude can be a game-changer: How to Practice Gratitude

A Native American story about the choices you make: Cherokee Story

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