February 2020 – Kris Wilder

February 26, 2020December 21, 2020

Not Everyone is Virtuous

Not everyone is virtuous. I know it’s not a popular belief right now. We want to assume goodwill and that everybody has our best interests at heart. That’s not the way the world works.

Virtuous People, Non-Virtuous People

Here’s an example. Willy Brandt (1913-1992) who was the chancellor of Germany had to resign in 1974 after Günter Guillaume, (1927-1995) who was one of Brandt’s closest aides, was exposed as being an agent of the Stasi, the East German secret police.

Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius (121-180). In committing to his son Commodus, Aurelius unleashed a man who was unbalanced and unfit to rule the Empire. If you want you can enjoy Joaquin Phoenix’s portrayal of Commodus in the 2000 film, “Gladiator.” You can gain some insight to the mental construct of Commodus through Joaquin’s role.

An Eye Tuned to See

What I’m suggesting to you is that you should let people show good decision making and integrous behavior. Assuming all people are virtuous is not responsible. In reaching back a moment a moment ago and looking at both of those examples of Brandt and Aurelius you can see without good observation things can turn out poorly as a result of their decision making.

In this case, we would consider to be poor. Affecting hundreds of thousands of lives were, if not millions, by assuming that the people around them were virtuous. Not everyone is virtuous.

Now I’m not suggesting paranoia. We won’t be perfect in our assessments of others. But like any skill, it becomes sharpened and better with use. Prove your good decision making and show an integrous trajectory.

Here is something that you might want to consider. Use the old Russian proverb, “Trust but verify.” With a little different rotation, you might structure the words this way, “Assume goodwill but verify.”

More on Marcus Aurelius: 5 LIFE CHANGING Quotes | Ryan Holiday | Stoicism

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February 19, 2020October 30, 2020

Why Forgiveness?

Why Forgiveness? People are not willing to give forgiveness – readily. But they are swift to request forgiveness. When forgiveness is asked for the request is often rejected.

Forgiveness often needs to be requested, beg for, and groveled for. People like power over other people. When the screws are on the thumbs, they tighten, twist, and frankly enjoy the position.

The Request of Clemency

On the other side of the coin, people are quick to request mercy. People expect a wide berth, a lot of latitude, understanding, and compassion for their position.

If you reject the idea that people are not generous with forgiveness and are quick to ask for understanding. Asking for clemency of their own. Well, I suggest that your observation of the history of humanity is lacking. We need to be more metered and more consistent, less radical, or less reactionary.

Laws Created in Calm

We have laws and we have created those laws while cooler heads prevail. The question is can you have a cool head when it’s personal? Can you flip this on its head? Can you grant forgiveness where contrition exists? Can you be slow to reflexively ask for your compassion without understanding the imprint of your actions?

Can you stop the angry villagers with pitchforks and torches from running the streets of your mind? Is it hard? Sure.

But the simple flip of the hard actions will change how you act and see the world. Give forgiveness when it’s contrite, reasonable, and asked for. And make sure that you reflect on your actions before requesting forgiveness.

Mayo Clinic – Adult Health, Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness.

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February 5, 2020October 30, 2020

Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust is a classic statement used in funeral services. It’s not a prayer and you won’t find it in The Bible, although it is implied. It is found in the Anglican Book of Prayer on page 501 of the burial rite but enough about that.

Kids, the youth we’re all going through life and those groups of people believe that “Heck we’re gonna live forever!” It’s immortalized in songs, poems, movies, plays, etc. There are warnings about mortality as well, in just as many media, songs, poems, etc. It’s like the burial rite it is a statement of the inevitable.

Inevitability

There are three reactions you can have to this inevitability. You can live it up. Party until you want to stop or you die. That is also immortalized in song. There is another version of this which is to ignore it. And the third is to embrace mortality daily.

Here is the productive way that it should be handled. You see when we ignore it which is the way we live most of our lives, we ignore our mortality. That’s fine and dandy, we use that because it works for us. The, “Live it up until you die,” works well too. To celebrate a wedding or birthday, you know you want to live it up a little bit and you want to have a good time. Or you choose to kind of ignore the mortality that’s embedded in those events.

We can embrace our mortality and also not have it hang over us. You see all three of these are appropriate in context and content and useful. Imagine acting as if it was a funeral at a wedding? That’s disturbing, it’s dysfunctional as well. I’m sure you can conjure other visions of inappropriate behavior within an event.

Three Ways to Use Ebb and Flow

You know your life contains all three of these and this is how you do it well. You understand the content and you understand the context. The ebb, and the flow. You survive using these three methods of moving through the understanding of the mortality, your coming death.

So, in the end, balance is the key. It’s using these three different segments of understanding and using them to be tools. To not only be in the right place at the right time but to live into the moment as well.

Three Methods

Those three rules again are; To ignore your mortality (which is really what we do most of our lives). Or it is to completely live it up and partake of the wine and the festivities daily. And the other one is to remember our death is coming.

You can see how when used in the wrong context they don’t serve a purpose. If you understand these three roles and you use them in the right place, life becomes adroit, appropriate, and contextual.

Psychology Today: 5 Strategies for Accepting Your Mortality

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