November 2020 – Kris Wilder

November 30, 2020December 25, 2020

I Lost My Karate Teacher

I lost my karate teacher. It happens. That is the short answer. Further, you are not going to get a tab “A’ fits slot “B” solution here. You’re going to get something bigger. The understanding that being at a loss is part of the journey. Loss is part of the martial arts journey.

Eventually, almost everybody loses their instructor. And it is a good thing. Let me build you a bridge using the music industry, “A strange correlation,” you say, but no it’s not.

Rick Rubin Has Thoughts

Rick Rubin, the former co-president of Columbia Records, co-founder of Def Jam Recordings. He has worked with the Beastie Boys, LL Cool J, Public Enemy, Run-DMC, and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. His accolades run deep.

Rubin while talking with Mike Campbell, guitarist for the Heartbreakers, offered this view. “I don’t think a producer should work with a band on more than two albums.” This is a long way of getting to the point, familiarity can build staleness. A paint by numbers process that is death to the creative process.

You Are At Loose Ends

How you lost your teacher can be important. The results however are the same, you are at loose ends.

Here is the mistake that is often made. You want to recreate your experience. If a senior student takes over the school because the instructor has passed away, or moved. Know the school is not going to be the same. You lost your old teacher. If you have to move it is natural to seek out a similar style or a teacher within your existing art.

You will not find the experience at the dojo with the senior student the same as it was in the past. It can’t be. If you are looking for a similar style you won’t find it.

Take Rick Rubin’s advice. This is a time to find a new experience. Do not reach back in time and seek the old experience, move onto the new. Do not discard your previous knowledge. Build on it.

Be creative with the moment. Go ahead and move forward. It is uncomfortable but that is what the memes all say right? Something like, “Growth is found in the uncomfortable.” Rick Rubin recommends it; you likely have had it forced upon you. Go ahead and get uncomfortable. You may be saying, “I Lost My Karate Teacher.”

Or it’s a new horizon of creativity and experience.

Here are some other posts you may find valuable.

Let’s Connect

KRIS WILDER

Kris Wilder is a martial artist based in Seattle Washington. He has authored many martial art books, including the classic, The Way of Kata. Making no apologies for his obsession of Football he can be found telling any who will listen about the nuances of the Canadian Football League.

November 29, 2020December 25, 2020

The Award You Do Not Want In Martial Arts

The award you do not want in the Martial Arts. The argument about your restrictions is a losing proposition. Sitting at the coffee shop with a buddy, he recognized a friend of his I didn’t know. He calls her over and in the course of the first thirty seconds of the meeting I learned of her malady, bad knees. She had always had them and it has limited her participation in physical activities. I was learning this in the first thirty seconds of our meeting.

He Story Was About Her Restrictions

She led with her malady. He story was about her restrictions. She wouldn’t have shared this with me if she didn’t think It made her special. I didn’t respond to the revelation of her bad knees; I jumped past the topic of her knees and went straight to her work. Over time I am learning to hold my tongue on occasion.

Special In Her Malady

What she said to me when we met and what I heard were different things. She wanted to be special in her malady I saw her as weak. A harsh response held inside my mind and not spoken. Yes, it could be harsh, but it is not if you shape it this way. “You led with your problem in an attempt to be special. What brings you to this point?” “Is this your only power?” Every person on Earth has issues, some are large, some permanent and some are passing. You are special, but not that special.

You get to keep the prize, whatever it is when you argue on behalf of your issues. It’s the award you do not want.

YouTube Lessons

Some of the most popular martial arts videos on YouTube are ones of people overcoming. The videos of a person is doing their version of their art despite limitations. I don’t need to list them, because you have seen them. “Kudos!” we say at the one-legged karate-ka kicking while on crutches, “You are an inspiration!” is the response to the 80-year-old first time black belt. “Well done!” to the child doing a kata competition while wearing an oxygen tank.

Not once has anybody said, “That’s awesome you decided not to take part because your knees hurt, here’s a gold medal.”

Balance These Things

I am not advocating for damaging behavior. Reckless acts that you will pay for in the future. And I am not suggesting one should lose their compassion. Balance these things.

You will get no gold medal, no accolades for leading with your problem. It is not the way we are built as humans. We have our moments, our failures, but they should be short-lived, not lived into.

Lead with your malady, and win the shallowest of prizes, pity. The award you do not want in the Martial Arts.

A few other posts you may want to pursue.

Let’s Connect

KRIS WILDER

November 28, 2020December 25, 2020

Break The Karate Rules

Break the karate rules. Breaking what appears to be a rule is important. Here is how you, as a martial artist can break free of stifling rules that may not aide you in your martial arts journey.

Rory Miller’s Permission sheet

This is Rory Miller’s Permission sheet. The permission sheet has been in use for many years. but it is always good to dust it off and get it out there for people to get exposure to it.

The premise, and I love this, is to break out of your conditioned responses to authority.

This little document isn’t about being a contrarian. Pushing back to push back, that is childlike. This permission sheet is about becoming one’s self. You know that real self, through expansion, thought and deed. Especially in the martial arts area.

As a student of anything, and I do mean anything, hold this template up to your instructor. Do they meet the criteria?

And because this is about personal responsibility. When you hold this document up in the mirror, do you make the grade?

The Permission sheet follows below. Know these are not my words, but Rory’s I did not write them, but I sure like them.

Roy Miller using attacking elbow — Rory Miller greeting a friend

PERMISSION (To Break The Karate Rules)

This is something I give my students. Sometimes I ask, “Why didn’t you…?” reach for a weapon, use a preemptive strike, run, call for help…

And the students says, “I didn’t know I could.” For the longest time, I assumed that meant the student had never considered it or didn’t know how… it didn’t occur to me that they thought it might be forbidden.

These are things that should never need to be said but still must, because there is power in the words.

You have permission to defend yourself.

You have permission to be rude.

You have permission to survive, no matter what it takes.

You have permission to act when the scary man reaches for his belt. You do not need to wait until he draws the weapon or until he points it at you or until he hurts you. You have permission to act.

You have permission to beat me, even if I wear a blackbelt.

You have permission to become better than the best instructor you ever had.

You have permission to invent something better than I ever taught you, and permission to use it in my class and permission to use it to defeat me and permission to teach it to your students.

You have blanket permission to grow and live and survive and fight and run and scream and talk and play and laugh and learn and experiment.

You have permission to win, and you have permission to decide what winning is. Be amazing!

-Rory

You can find Rory here at his website

https://www.chirontraining.com/

Below are two links to podcast interviews with Rory. Each is about an hour long. Enjoy.

Podcast #1 Rory Miller & Violence Dynamics

Podcast #2 Rory Miller – Clarity

Here are a few other topics you may find of interest.

Let’s Connect

KRIS WILDER

November 27, 2020December 25, 2020

Winning Over Pain Two Views

Winning over pain two views. Pain and suffering are different and warriors and fighters hold them differently.

Pain has an end. An example would be when the surgeon tells you that the procedure you are about to undergo has a four to six-week recovery period. You go to the calendar and mark off the days, you know you will get better, and the better is likely to happen over this time.

Suffering is open-ended it has no end other than the end of your life. A person rarely knows the exact moment that they die. Some exceptions would be execution or suicide.

While visiting a friend in the hospital the adjacent patient was being visited by her family. The conversation was anchored by the woman on the bed, she said, “You know me I’m a fighter.”

A fighter. She was trying to convey her spirit. That she would not go lightly, that she was strong and likely stronger than the broken bones and internal injuries she faced.

Winning Over Pain Two Views

Fighters only know how to fight. The world is a nail and fighters are a hammer. Fighters are limited in the palette of response that they have to choose. Limited response leaves little confusion. A limited response also leaves little room for creativity.

Warriors have many choices and understand the expense and benefit of fighting. That bull-headed fighting may well be too expensive to the state they represent. Or damage adjacent partners. In other words, Warriors have a larger palette. Warriors have a toolbox that allows the manipulation of the nail in ways the fighter may never see.

A Good Plan Works

How does a fighter deal with pain? Quite well actually, a narrow focus and a timeline is part of the world of the fighter. Another item is suffering. Suffering is long, protracted, and with no end in sight. Suffering saps fighters of their energy. It breaks fighter’s will, their ability to fight.

Warriors deal with pain much in the same fashion a fighter does. This process involves a timetable, doing what is necessary, and seeing the process to the end.

Suffering for a Warrior can be different. Warriors identify suffering and then shift their focus. The focus is acute, and diverse as well. The effects of the moment are viewed in a more global vision.

Constant and unrelenting pain changes everything. It colors the world, changes choices. It has been my experience and observation a fighter holds pain differently than a warrior.

Is the woman in her hospital bed fighting the injuries sustained from an auto accident, less because she declared herself a fighter? No! She was meeting profound trauma with the best skills she has at hand.

You have to respect her, her spirit and her commitment to herself and those who love her.

A few links below you may find useful.

Let’s Connect

KRIS WILDER

November 26, 2020December 25, 2020

Being Gentle with Others

Being gentle with others. The story goes this way, as I remember it told to me. If I get a detail wrong you will still get the message. It took place several years ago about this time.

In the states, we begin to make our Thanksgiving holiday plans up to a month or more in advance. Getting back to the home nest is paramount.

As an example, airlines are crushed as people try to get to and from. The local news schleps out to the airport and takes footage of the traveling throngs. Then they follow the video with questions, “Where are you from? Where are you going? How are you handling it?” The media could recycle an interview from 1972. Nothing has changed.

Thanksgiving with Friends

The woman, whose daughter was in my karate class, started telling me about a friend. Their friend has a Thanksgiving dinner with friends and family. They attend. Several years ago, the guests were arriving for the Thanksgiving celebration. The knocks on the door began at the appointed arrival time.

The person closest to the door would answer the knocks, “Welcome!” A man, solo, responded by offering a pie with a “Hello, good to be here, thanks for inviting me.” While stepping into the house.

A Surprise Guest

After some time, it became clear that no group of people at the dinner knew him, nor did he know them. He was from another country and this was his first Thanksgiving.

The guy had been invited to a Thanksgiving dinner at a different address. The address where he ended up was similar to a co-worker’s address. It was kind of co-workers to make sure the man was not alone on the holiday.

Once the mix-up was made clear a laugh was had, and a, “Well, you are here, stay enjoy, we are having a good time.” Being gentle with others, it is a great thing.

He did stay. And was asked to come back next year, which he did. And for several years he attended. He stopped coming for Thanksgiving dinner when he had his own family. He then rightfully became committed to that experience.

What a wonderful moment. A wonderful story of people being nice to one another. No conditions, no litmus test, just being gentle with others.

A few links you may like to follow-up with.

Let’s Connect

KRIS WILDER

November 25, 2020December 25, 2020

3 Traits of The Karate Zealot

The 3 traits of the Karate Zealot. They are similar to the sports fan. We all know that sports fan that has gone full in. The thing to do today is to create a Man Cave. And yes, it has been my experience that men dominate the world of sports fans. These folks are subject to the win-loss record of their team. Mondays can be tough if their team loses.

You know them and you love them, Raiders Fans. P.S. I’m a Raiders Fan, but no Zealot. But, KC Stinks!

Burn Them at The Stake

The religious zealot is demonstrating correct commitment. Think of it like the sports fan, who paints their body in the team colors. These zealots will place doctrine above compassion. They believe, without hesitation they are correct. The Cathars, a religious order ending in Europe in the 1400s were considered heretics. Cathar is from the Greek, Katharoi, meaning, “Pure Ones.”

When the last of the Cathars surrendered they marched from their stronghold singing hymns. The captures sang hymns louder. Then they burnt the remaining Cathars at the stake. The burring was to destroy the body so it could not be reconstituted in the next life. A warning to others.

A Story of Understanding

The 0verbearing boss has committed to the business plan. All well and good but they have lost their humanity. I was told, by a friend, about his lack of performance at work. A large company but his failures had not escaped his Boss. The meeting they had was powerful.

His boss informed my friend of his continued disappointment in completing quality work, and on time. Then the boss laid this on my friend. He said my friend was a good man, and capable. He also acknowledged the divorce and its impact on my friend’s life.

Then the boss went even farther. He said he would issue less work, and my friend had one quarter to get his act together. And check in with his boss often to help make the work correct. Generous.

The boss had two choices, cut my friend or fix him. He chose to fix him instead of lighting my friend on fire as a warning to others. The boss was no Zealot.

One way to look at a Zealot is as a person who has committed so deep, they have lost the purpose of their actions.

The sports fan, the religious zealot, the overbearing boss.

The Martial Arts Zealot and Their 3 Traits

Then there is the Martial Arts Zealot.

You know what they look like. Every effort is designed to prove purity and commitment. These zealots are so tight in their effort to be perfect they become ridged of mind and body.

They will work to eject less than zealots from the school. These zealots use physical means to bring others into compliance. Hold a choke a little long, strike harder than necessary. If you are an instructor, guard against these people. Their game plan is to ingratiate themselves to you.

Now the Hard Part

If you are an instructor and you are a zealot. You likely don’t see it and if you do you are unlikely to change. “It’s working, why change?” you say. It will work, for a while, and then it won’t. If you see this behavior creeping up on you arrest it.

We find super sports fans annoying. Religious zealots repugnant and overbearing bosses, make life hard.

Martial arts Zealots have the unique ability to combine all three of these nasty attributes. Hench the title 3 Traits of The Karate Zealot. They are annoying, repugnant, and overbearing. I see you shaking your head in agreement.

Zealots will dominate and impose their version of piety, or they leave with a dismissive comment about, “Doing it right.”

It’s not a cookie-cutter resolution, one size doesn’t fit all situations. It all has to be measured. All I can do is point to the three items that make the Zealot. The zealot that has lost the original purpose of their action.

3 Traits of The Karate Zealot

Annoying

Repugnant

Overbearing

Below are some links you may find of interest

Let’s Connect

KRIS WILDER